Are You Sinful or Saintly: Taking Time for You

You may think it's more important to tend constantly to the needs of other people rather than yourself. This appears at first glance to be the selfless, even saintly, way to behave. Aren't mothers supposed to put the needs of their family first?

In actuality, you will care for your loved ones better by taking time to refill your own well. If you are constantly on call, with no time for yourself, you will eventually run out of energy. Giving yourself a brief time to tune in and recharge will help ensure you are able to respond to the very real needs of your children as well as the rest of your family.

If taking care of yourself seems foreign, think about this for a moment. You are a primary role model for your children's lives. They will copy your actions more often than follow your advice. Many a mom has shed tears after becoming aware of the lack of self care they modeled during their children's formative years. You love your children and want to do right by them. Therefore, you need to show them how to take care of themselves by taking care of you! This will increase their capacity to be healthy, well balanced adults.

While meditation can be extremely helpful, you don't need to sit down and meditate to take 10 minutes for yourself. You can go for a short walk, just sit in a quiet spot inside, outside, or even in the car (while you're not driving). Sometimes I actually have to lock myself in the bathroom for 10 minutes to get the time and space I need, but it is worth it.

If you are a stay-at-home mom who is normally with your child (or children) 24 hours a day, I encourage you to find a creative way to take an hour or two away at least once a week while your baby is being properly cared for by another adult. This will allow you some mental and physical decompression time. It's amazing how much more you can appreciate the miracle of life that you helped create when you have a small amount of space that other people take for granted. Just being away for a short time can open you up to wholeheartedly enjoying your family even if you thought you were too tired to do so.

As you follow through with your new "self care" strategy, your unconscious mind will begin to trust the process. Your sense of well being and even body image may unexpectedly improve. When you behave as though you are a loved person, worthy of taking up space in the world, you will start to believe that it is actually O.K. for you to exist in the world. This cannot help but translates into feelings of better health and an increased sens of balance in the world, allowing you respond more easily and gracefully as a mother, partner or wife.

Life With Postpartum Mood Disorders: Are You Perfectly Normal or Going Insane?

New mothers rarely admit to the full extent of their stress level or to the difficult emotions they live with. After all, women with new babies are supposed to feel blissful, loving and grateful for the miracle of new life in their care, right?

Many new moms fear they will be thought of as unfit mothers if other people knew the truth about their feelings. They may never ask for help because they don't have a baseline sense of what is actually normal and what's not.

What many people don't know is that mood swings, irritability, fatigue, persistent tearfulness, forgetfulness and anxiety are common symptoms in new mothers. The vast majority of birth mothers cope with some version of the "baby blues." The good news is that these symptoms generally pass without any intervention within a couple of weeks. The postpartum mother's' body simply needs a little time to normalize the tremendous fluctuations in hormone levels after giving birth.

But what if the symptoms are more severe and last longer? What if depression, hopelessness, feelings of vulnerability and inadequacy as a wife and mother, lack of interest in the baby or oneself, low level of daily functioning or severe mood swings are part of the mix? Surely this is crazy, right? Wrong. These symptoms are common in the 10% - 17% of women who experience postpartum depression.

What if the level of intensity is ramped up? What if a new mom has unreasonable fears, panic attacks, obsessions about cleanliness and germs, or visions of something bad happening to the baby and not being able to do anything about it? This may indicate postpartum obsessive-compulsive disorder, a bit more severe than postpartum depression, but still in the postpartum mood disorder continuum, and still sane.

What about the women who get sensationalized on the news, the ones who think their babies are from the devil? We've all heard stories about new mothers who think they were told to hurt themselves or their babies. Can these women be sane?

In these cases, they are dealing with the severe end of the postpartum mood disorder spectrum. This is the line between crazy and sane. Only one or two out of every 1000 women will cope with this rare disorder. Their auditory and visual hallucinations can be quite dangerous. Women with postpartum psychosis need immediate medical attention and hospitalization, and yes, their babies will have to be taken care of by other people for a while.

I like to put it this way: Anytime a new mom is worried about the well being of herself and her child, she is probably still sane. After all, it takes a significant level of self awareness to be concerned about one's thoughts and feelings. Rather than judging or ostracizing new mothers with postpartum mood disorders, let's make it easier to get help. Every symptom I've described is 100% treatable, and help is available now.